diff --git a/ansible/group_vars/all/main.yml b/ansible/group_vars/all/main.yml
index 952df93..36d35f8 100644
--- a/ansible/group_vars/all/main.yml
+++ b/ansible/group_vars/all/main.yml
@@ -2,3 +2,8 @@ new_user: counterweight
 ssh_port: 22
 allow_ssh_from: "any"
 root_domain: contrapeso.xyz
+
+# Uptime Kuma was decommissioned on 2026-09-11. The monitoring blocks in the
+# playbooks are kept deliberately — the check logic is meant to be rewired to
+# whatever replaces it. This flag keeps them inert until then. See archive/uptime_kuma/.
+uptime_kuma_enabled: false
diff --git a/ansible/infra_vars.yml b/ansible/infra_vars.yml
index 952df93..36d35f8 100644
--- a/ansible/infra_vars.yml
+++ b/ansible/infra_vars.yml
@@ -2,3 +2,8 @@ new_user: counterweight
 ssh_port: 22
 allow_ssh_from: "any"
 root_domain: contrapeso.xyz
+
+# Uptime Kuma was decommissioned on 2026-09-11. The monitoring blocks in the
+# playbooks are kept deliberately — the check logic is meant to be rewired to
+# whatever replaces it. This flag keeps them inert until then. See archive/uptime_kuma/.
+uptime_kuma_enabled: false
diff --git a/ansible/services/bitcoin-knots/deploy_bitcoin_knots_playbook.yml b/ansible/services/bitcoin-knots/deploy_bitcoin_knots_playbook.yml
index f84d627..fcc02b4 100644
--- a/ansible/services/bitcoin-knots/deploy_bitcoin_knots_playbook.yml
+++ b/ansible/services/bitcoin-knots/deploy_bitcoin_knots_playbook.yml
@@ -439,7 +439,18 @@
       debug:
         msg: "Bitcoin Knots RPC is {{ 'available' if rpc_check.status == 200 else 'not yet available' }}"
 
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
+    # DEPRECATED — Uptime Kuma was decommissioned on 2026-09-11.
+    #
+    # Every task below is inert: uptime_kuma_enabled is false in
+    # group_vars/all/main.yml, so they all skip and the deployment above still
+    # runs normally. Kept because the health-check logic is the durable part —
+    # when a replacement exists, rewire the push transport and flip the flag.
+    #
+    # What was being monitored: archive/uptime_kuma/MONITORS.md
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
     - name: Create Bitcoin Knots health check and push script
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       copy:
         dest: /usr/local/bin/bitcoin-knots-healthcheck-push.sh
         content: |
@@ -534,6 +545,7 @@
         mode: '0644'
 
     - name: Create systemd service for Bitcoin Knots health check
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       copy:
         dest: /etc/systemd/system/bitcoin-knots-healthcheck.service
         content: |
@@ -566,6 +578,7 @@
         state: started
 
     - name: Create Uptime Kuma push monitor setup script for Bitcoin Knots
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -655,6 +668,7 @@
         mode: '0755'
 
     - name: Create temporary config for monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -667,6 +681,7 @@
         mode: '0644'
 
     - name: Run Uptime Kuma push monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       command: python3 /tmp/setup_bitcoin_knots_monitor.py
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
@@ -707,6 +722,7 @@
       when: uptime_kuma_push_url | default('') != ''
 
     - name: Clean up temporary files
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       file:
@@ -718,6 +734,7 @@
 
   handlers:
     - name: Restart bitcoind
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       systemd:
         name: bitcoind
         state: restarted
@@ -794,6 +811,7 @@
       ignore_errors: yes
 
     - name: Display public endpoint
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       debug:
         msg: "Bitcoin P2P public endpoint: {{ ansible_host }}:{{ bitcoin_p2p_port }}"
 
@@ -801,6 +819,7 @@
     # Uptime Kuma TCP Monitor for Public P2P
     # ===========================================
     - name: Create Uptime Kuma TCP monitor setup script for Bitcoin P2P
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -873,6 +892,7 @@
         mode: '0755'
 
     - name: Create temporary config for TCP monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -887,6 +907,7 @@
         mode: '0644'
 
     - name: Run Uptime Kuma TCP monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       command: python3 /tmp/setup_bitcoin_p2p_tcp_monitor.py
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
@@ -900,6 +921,7 @@
       when: tcp_monitor_setup.stdout is defined
 
     - name: Clean up TCP monitor temporary files
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       file:
diff --git a/ansible/services/datum-gateway/deploy_datum_gateway_playbook.yml b/ansible/services/datum-gateway/deploy_datum_gateway_playbook.yml
index 5fa360c..3fa36d4 100644
--- a/ansible/services/datum-gateway/deploy_datum_gateway_playbook.yml
+++ b/ansible/services/datum-gateway/deploy_datum_gateway_playbook.yml
@@ -206,7 +206,18 @@
     # ===========================================
     # Health Check Script + Systemd Timer
     # ===========================================
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
+    # DEPRECATED — Uptime Kuma was decommissioned on 2026-09-11.
+    #
+    # Every task below is inert: uptime_kuma_enabled is false in
+    # group_vars/all/main.yml, so they all skip and the deployment above still
+    # runs normally. Kept because the health-check logic is the durable part —
+    # when a replacement exists, rewire the push transport and flip the flag.
+    #
+    # What was being monitored: archive/uptime_kuma/MONITORS.md
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
     - name: Create DATUM Gateway health check script
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       copy:
         dest: /usr/local/bin/datum-gateway-healthcheck-push.sh
         content: |
@@ -287,6 +298,7 @@
         daemon_reload: yes
 
     - name: Enable and start datum-gateway health check timer
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       systemd:
         name: datum-gateway-healthcheck.timer
         enabled: yes
@@ -296,6 +308,7 @@
     # Uptime Kuma Push Monitor Setup
     # ===========================================
     - name: Create Uptime Kuma push monitor setup script for DATUM Gateway
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -396,6 +409,7 @@
         mode: "0755"
 
     - name: Create temporary config for push monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -408,6 +422,7 @@
         mode: "0644"
 
     - name: Run Uptime Kuma push monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       command: python3 /tmp/setup_datum_gateway_monitor.py
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
@@ -421,6 +436,7 @@
       when: monitor_setup.stdout is defined
 
     - name: Read push URL from file
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       slurp:
         src: /tmp/datum_gateway_push_url.txt
       delegate_to: localhost
@@ -442,6 +458,7 @@
       notify: Restart datum-gateway health check timer
 
     - name: Clean up temporary files
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       file:
@@ -460,6 +477,7 @@
         daemon_reload: yes
 
     - name: Restart datum-gateway health check timer
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       systemd:
         name: datum-gateway-healthcheck.timer
         state: restarted
@@ -539,6 +557,7 @@
         msg: "{{ caddy_reload.stdout_lines + caddy_reload.stderr_lines }}"
 
     - name: Display DATUM Gateway dashboard URL
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       debug:
         msg: "DATUM Gateway dashboard: https://{{ datum_gateway_domain }}"
 
@@ -546,6 +565,7 @@
     # Uptime Kuma HTTP Monitor for Public Dashboard
     # ===========================================
     - name: Create Uptime Kuma HTTP monitor setup script for DATUM dashboard
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -621,6 +641,7 @@
         mode: "0755"
 
     - name: Create temporary config for HTTP monitor
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -634,6 +655,7 @@
         mode: "0644"
 
     - name: Run Uptime Kuma HTTP monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       command: python3 /tmp/setup_datum_http_monitor.py
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
@@ -647,6 +669,7 @@
       when: http_monitor_setup.stdout is defined
 
     - name: Clean up HTTP monitor temporary files
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       file:
@@ -733,6 +756,7 @@
       ignore_errors: yes
 
     - name: Display public Stratum endpoint
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       debug:
         msg: "DATUM Stratum public endpoint: {{ ansible_host }}:{{ datum_gateway_stratum_port }}"
 
@@ -740,6 +764,7 @@
     # Uptime Kuma TCP Monitor for Public Stratum
     # ===========================================
     - name: Create Uptime Kuma TCP monitor setup script for Stratum
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -816,6 +841,7 @@
         mode: "0755"
 
     - name: Create temporary config for Stratum TCP monitor
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -830,6 +856,7 @@
         mode: "0644"
 
     - name: Run Uptime Kuma TCP monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       command: python3 /tmp/setup_datum_stratum_tcp_monitor.py
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
@@ -843,6 +870,7 @@
       when: tcp_monitor_setup.stdout is defined
 
     - name: Clean up Stratum TCP monitor temporary files
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       file:
diff --git a/ansible/services/forgejo-runner/deploy_forgejo_runner_playbook.yml b/ansible/services/forgejo-runner/deploy_forgejo_runner_playbook.yml
index d94f73c..bdc8428 100644
--- a/ansible/services/forgejo-runner/deploy_forgejo_runner_playbook.yml
+++ b/ansible/services/forgejo-runner/deploy_forgejo_runner_playbook.yml
@@ -147,7 +147,18 @@
       register: runner_active
       changed_when: false
 
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
+    # DEPRECATED — Uptime Kuma was decommissioned on 2026-09-11.
+    #
+    # Every task below is inert: uptime_kuma_enabled is false in
+    # group_vars/all/main.yml, so they all skip and the deployment above still
+    # runs normally. Kept because the health-check logic is the durable part —
+    # when a replacement exists, rewire the push transport and flip the flag.
+    #
+    # What was being monitored: archive/uptime_kuma/MONITORS.md
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
     - name: Assert runner is running
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       assert:
         that:
           - runner_active.stdout == "active"
@@ -155,6 +166,7 @@
 
     # ── 10. Set up Uptime Kuma push monitor ────────────────────────────
     - name: Create Uptime Kuma push monitor setup script
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       copy:
         dest: /tmp/setup_forgejo_runner_monitor.py
         content: |
@@ -238,6 +250,7 @@
       become: no
 
     - name: Run Uptime Kuma push monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       command: >
         {{ ansible_playbook_python }}
         /tmp/setup_forgejo_runner_monitor.py
@@ -256,10 +269,12 @@
       changed_when: false
 
     - name: Parse monitor setup result
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       set_fact:
         monitor_info_parsed: "{{ monitor_setup_result.stdout | from_json }}"
 
     - name: Set push URL
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       set_fact:
         uptime_kuma_push_url: "{{ uptime_kuma_api_url }}/api/push/{{ monitor_info_parsed.push_token }}"
 
@@ -272,6 +287,7 @@
         mode: '0755'
 
     - name: Create forgejo-runner healthcheck script
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       copy:
         dest: "{{ healthcheck_script_path }}"
         content: |
@@ -385,6 +401,7 @@
           Timeout: {{ healthcheck_timeout_seconds }}s
 
     - name: Clean up temporary monitor setup script
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       file:
         path: /tmp/setup_forgejo_runner_monitor.py
         state: absent
diff --git a/ansible/services/forgejo/deploy_forgejo_playbook.yml b/ansible/services/forgejo/deploy_forgejo_playbook.yml
index ff865de..acb1473 100644
--- a/ansible/services/forgejo/deploy_forgejo_playbook.yml
+++ b/ansible/services/forgejo/deploy_forgejo_playbook.yml
@@ -118,7 +118,18 @@
     - name: Reload Caddy to apply new config
       command: systemctl reload caddy
 
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
+    # DEPRECATED — Uptime Kuma was decommissioned on 2026-09-11.
+    #
+    # Every task below is inert: uptime_kuma_enabled is false in
+    # group_vars/all/main.yml, so they all skip and the deployment above still
+    # runs normally. Kept because the health-check logic is the durable part —
+    # when a replacement exists, rewire the push transport and flip the flag.
+    #
+    # What was being monitored: archive/uptime_kuma/MONITORS.md
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
     - name: Create Uptime Kuma monitor setup script for Forgejo
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -193,6 +204,7 @@
         mode: '0755'
 
     - name: Create temporary config for monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -206,6 +218,7 @@
         mode: '0644'
 
     - name: Run Uptime Kuma monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       command: python3 /tmp/setup_forgejo_monitor.py
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
@@ -214,6 +227,7 @@
       ignore_errors: yes
 
     - name: Clean up temporary files
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       file:
diff --git a/ansible/services/fulcrum/deploy_fulcrum_playbook.yml b/ansible/services/fulcrum/deploy_fulcrum_playbook.yml
index 6b17280..a1548a7 100644
--- a/ansible/services/fulcrum/deploy_fulcrum_playbook.yml
+++ b/ansible/services/fulcrum/deploy_fulcrum_playbook.yml
@@ -259,7 +259,18 @@
       debug:
         msg: "Fulcrum service is {{ 'running' if fulcrum_service_status.status.ActiveState == 'active' else 'not running' }}"
 
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
+    # DEPRECATED — Uptime Kuma was decommissioned on 2026-09-11.
+    #
+    # Every task below is inert: uptime_kuma_enabled is false in
+    # group_vars/all/main.yml, so they all skip and the deployment above still
+    # runs normally. Kept because the health-check logic is the durable part —
+    # when a replacement exists, rewire the push transport and flip the flag.
+    #
+    # What was being monitored: archive/uptime_kuma/MONITORS.md
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
     - name: Create Fulcrum health check and push script
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       copy:
         dest: /usr/local/bin/fulcrum-healthcheck-push.sh
         content: |
@@ -332,6 +343,7 @@
         mode: '0644'
 
     - name: Create systemd service for Fulcrum health check
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       copy:
         dest: /etc/systemd/system/fulcrum-healthcheck.service
         content: |
@@ -364,6 +376,7 @@
         state: started
 
     - name: Create Uptime Kuma push monitor setup script for Fulcrum
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -453,6 +466,7 @@
         mode: '0755'
 
     - name: Create temporary config for monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -465,6 +479,7 @@
         mode: '0644'
 
     - name: Run Uptime Kuma push monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       command: python3 /tmp/setup_fulcrum_monitor.py
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
@@ -505,6 +520,7 @@
       when: uptime_kuma_push_url | default('') != ''
 
     - name: Clean up temporary files
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       file:
@@ -518,6 +534,7 @@
 
   handlers:
     - name: Restart fulcrum
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       systemd:
         name: fulcrum
         state: restarted
@@ -593,6 +610,7 @@
       ignore_errors: yes
 
     - name: Display public endpoint
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       debug:
         msg: "Fulcrum SSL public endpoint: {{ ansible_host }}:{{ fulcrum_ssl_port }}"
 
@@ -600,6 +618,7 @@
     # Uptime Kuma TCP Monitor for Public SSL Port
     # ===========================================
     - name: Create Uptime Kuma TCP monitor setup script for Fulcrum SSL
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -672,6 +691,7 @@
         mode: '0755'
 
     - name: Create temporary config for TCP monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -686,6 +706,7 @@
         mode: '0644'
 
     - name: Run Uptime Kuma TCP monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       command: python3 /tmp/setup_fulcrum_ssl_tcp_monitor.py
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
@@ -699,6 +720,7 @@
       when: tcp_monitor_setup.stdout is defined
 
     - name: Clean up TCP monitor temporary files
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       file:
diff --git a/ansible/services/headscale/deploy_headscale_playbook.yml b/ansible/services/headscale/deploy_headscale_playbook.yml
index 7ed81ed..61ba22e 100644
--- a/ansible/services/headscale/deploy_headscale_playbook.yml
+++ b/ansible/services/headscale/deploy_headscale_playbook.yml
@@ -264,7 +264,18 @@
       become: yes
       command: systemctl reload caddy
 
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
+    # DEPRECATED — Uptime Kuma was decommissioned on 2026-09-11.
+    #
+    # Every task below is inert: uptime_kuma_enabled is false in
+    # group_vars/all/main.yml, so they all skip and the deployment above still
+    # runs normally. Kept because the health-check logic is the durable part —
+    # when a replacement exists, rewire the push transport and flip the flag.
+    #
+    # What was being monitored: archive/uptime_kuma/MONITORS.md
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
     - name: Create Uptime Kuma monitor setup script for Headscale
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -339,6 +350,7 @@
         mode: '0755'
 
     - name: Create temporary config for monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -352,6 +364,7 @@
         mode: '0644'
 
     - name: Run Uptime Kuma monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       command: python3 /tmp/setup_headscale_monitor.py
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
@@ -360,6 +373,7 @@
       ignore_errors: yes
 
     - name: Clean up temporary files
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       file:
diff --git a/ansible/services/lnbits/deploy_lnbits_playbook.yml b/ansible/services/lnbits/deploy_lnbits_playbook.yml
index 6df63f5..d596052 100644
--- a/ansible/services/lnbits/deploy_lnbits_playbook.yml
+++ b/ansible/services/lnbits/deploy_lnbits_playbook.yml
@@ -181,7 +181,18 @@
     - name: Reload Caddy to apply new config
       command: systemctl reload caddy
 
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
+    # DEPRECATED — Uptime Kuma was decommissioned on 2026-09-11.
+    #
+    # Every task below is inert: uptime_kuma_enabled is false in
+    # group_vars/all/main.yml, so they all skip and the deployment above still
+    # runs normally. Kept because the health-check logic is the durable part —
+    # when a replacement exists, rewire the push transport and flip the flag.
+    #
+    # What was being monitored: archive/uptime_kuma/MONITORS.md
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
     - name: Create Uptime Kuma monitor setup script for LNBits
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -256,6 +267,7 @@
         mode: '0755'
 
     - name: Create temporary config for monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -269,6 +281,7 @@
         mode: '0644'
 
     - name: Run Uptime Kuma monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       command: python3 /tmp/setup_lnbits_monitor.py
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
@@ -277,6 +290,7 @@
       ignore_errors: yes
 
     - name: Clean up temporary files
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       file:
diff --git a/ansible/services/memos/deploy_memos_playbook.yml b/ansible/services/memos/deploy_memos_playbook.yml
index a823135..5ab254e 100644
--- a/ansible/services/memos/deploy_memos_playbook.yml
+++ b/ansible/services/memos/deploy_memos_playbook.yml
@@ -139,7 +139,18 @@
         msg: "Memos is running on port {{ memos_port }}. Access via Tailscale at http://{{ memos_tailscale_hostname }}:{{ memos_port }}"
 
   handlers:
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
+    # DEPRECATED — Uptime Kuma was decommissioned on 2026-09-11.
+    #
+    # Every task below is inert: uptime_kuma_enabled is false in
+    # group_vars/all/main.yml, so they all skip and the deployment above still
+    # runs normally. Kept because the health-check logic is the durable part —
+    # when a replacement exists, rewire the push transport and flip the flag.
+    #
+    # What was being monitored: archive/uptime_kuma/MONITORS.md
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
     - name: Restart memos
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       systemd:
         name: memos
         state: restarted
@@ -196,6 +207,7 @@
       command: systemctl reload caddy
 
     - name: Create Uptime Kuma monitor setup script for Memos
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -275,6 +287,7 @@
         mode: '0755'
 
     - name: Create temporary config for monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -288,6 +301,7 @@
         mode: '0644'
 
     - name: Run Uptime Kuma monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       command: python3 /tmp/setup_memos_monitor.py
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
@@ -296,6 +310,7 @@
       ignore_errors: yes
 
     - name: Clean up temporary files
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       file:
diff --git a/ansible/services/mempool/deploy_mempool_playbook.yml b/ansible/services/mempool/deploy_mempool_playbook.yml
index c0fe51d..1dfea1b 100644
--- a/ansible/services/mempool/deploy_mempool_playbook.yml
+++ b/ansible/services/mempool/deploy_mempool_playbook.yml
@@ -226,7 +226,18 @@
       delay: 5
       ignore_errors: yes
 
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
+    # DEPRECATED — Uptime Kuma was decommissioned on 2026-09-11.
+    #
+    # Every task below is inert: uptime_kuma_enabled is false in
+    # group_vars/all/main.yml, so they all skip and the deployment above still
+    # runs normally. Kept because the health-check logic is the durable part —
+    # when a replacement exists, rewire the push transport and flip the flag.
+    #
+    # What was being monitored: archive/uptime_kuma/MONITORS.md
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
     - name: Display deployment status
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       debug:
         msg:
           - "Mempool deployment complete!"
@@ -239,6 +250,7 @@
     # Health Check Scripts for Uptime Kuma Push Monitors
     # ===========================================
     - name: Create Mempool MariaDB health check script
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       copy:
         dest: /usr/local/bin/mempool-mariadb-healthcheck-push.sh
         content: |
@@ -273,6 +285,7 @@
         mode: '0755'
 
     - name: Create Mempool backend health check script
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       copy:
         dest: /usr/local/bin/mempool-backend-healthcheck-push.sh
         content: |
@@ -307,6 +320,7 @@
         mode: '0755'
 
     - name: Create Mempool frontend health check script
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       copy:
         dest: /usr/local/bin/mempool-frontend-healthcheck-push.sh
         content: |
@@ -396,6 +410,7 @@
         daemon_reload: yes
 
     - name: Enable and start health check timers
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       systemd:
         name: "mempool-{{ item }}-healthcheck.timer"
         enabled: yes
@@ -409,6 +424,7 @@
     # Uptime Kuma Push Monitor Setup
     # ===========================================
     - name: Create Uptime Kuma push monitor setup script for Mempool
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -492,6 +508,7 @@
         mode: '0755'
 
     - name: Create temporary config for monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -507,6 +524,7 @@
         mode: '0644'
 
     - name: Run Uptime Kuma push monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       command: python3 /tmp/setup_mempool_monitors.py
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
@@ -520,6 +538,7 @@
       when: monitor_setup.stdout is defined
 
     - name: Read push URLs from file
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       slurp:
         src: /tmp/mempool_push_urls.yml
       delegate_to: localhost
@@ -573,6 +592,7 @@
       when: push_urls is defined
 
     - name: Clean up temporary files
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       file:
@@ -637,6 +657,7 @@
         state: reloaded
 
     - name: Display Mempool URL
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       debug:
         msg: "Mempool is now available at https://{{ mempool_domain }}"
 
@@ -644,6 +665,7 @@
     # Uptime Kuma HTTP Monitor for Public Endpoint
     # ===========================================
     - name: Create Uptime Kuma HTTP monitor setup script for Mempool
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -714,6 +736,7 @@
         mode: '0755'
 
     - name: Create temporary config for HTTP monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -727,6 +750,7 @@
         mode: '0644'
 
     - name: Run Uptime Kuma HTTP monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       command: python3 /tmp/setup_mempool_http_monitor.py
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
@@ -740,6 +764,7 @@
       when: http_monitor_setup.stdout is defined
 
     - name: Clean up HTTP monitor temporary files
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       file:
diff --git a/ansible/services/ntfy-emergency-app/deploy_ntfy_emergency_app_playbook.yml b/ansible/services/ntfy-emergency-app/deploy_ntfy_emergency_app_playbook.yml
index a04d6af..a8d97a6 100644
--- a/ansible/services/ntfy-emergency-app/deploy_ntfy_emergency_app_playbook.yml
+++ b/ansible/services/ntfy-emergency-app/deploy_ntfy_emergency_app_playbook.yml
@@ -79,7 +79,18 @@
     - name: Reload Caddy to apply new config
       command: systemctl reload caddy
 
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
+    # DEPRECATED — Uptime Kuma was decommissioned on 2026-09-11.
+    #
+    # Every task below is inert: uptime_kuma_enabled is false in
+    # group_vars/all/main.yml, so they all skip and the deployment above still
+    # runs normally. Kept because the health-check logic is the durable part —
+    # when a replacement exists, rewire the push transport and flip the flag.
+    #
+    # What was being monitored: archive/uptime_kuma/MONITORS.md
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
     - name: Create Uptime Kuma monitor setup script for ntfy-emergency-app
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -159,6 +170,7 @@
         mode: '0755'
 
     - name: Create temporary config for monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -172,6 +184,7 @@
         mode: '0644'
 
     - name: Run Uptime Kuma monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       command: python3 /tmp/setup_ntfy_emergency_app_monitor.py
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
@@ -180,6 +193,7 @@
       ignore_errors: yes
 
     - name: Clean up temporary files
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       file:
diff --git a/ansible/services/personal-blog/deploy_personal_blog_playbook.yml b/ansible/services/personal-blog/deploy_personal_blog_playbook.yml
index 63bbae5..af7a1f3 100644
--- a/ansible/services/personal-blog/deploy_personal_blog_playbook.yml
+++ b/ansible/services/personal-blog/deploy_personal_blog_playbook.yml
@@ -82,7 +82,18 @@
     - name: Reload Caddy to apply new config
       command: systemctl reload caddy
 
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
+    # DEPRECATED — Uptime Kuma was decommissioned on 2026-09-11.
+    #
+    # Every task below is inert: uptime_kuma_enabled is false in
+    # group_vars/all/main.yml, so they all skip and the deployment above still
+    # runs normally. Kept because the health-check logic is the durable part —
+    # when a replacement exists, rewire the push transport and flip the flag.
+    #
+    # What was being monitored: archive/uptime_kuma/MONITORS.md
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
     - name: Create Uptime Kuma monitor setup script for Personal Blog
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -157,6 +168,7 @@
         mode: '0755'
 
     - name: Create temporary config for monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -170,6 +182,7 @@
         mode: '0644'
 
     - name: Run Uptime Kuma monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       command: python3 /tmp/setup_personal_blog_monitor.py
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
@@ -178,6 +191,7 @@
       ignore_errors: yes
 
     - name: Clean up temporary files
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       file:
diff --git a/ansible/services/phoenixd/deploy_phoenixd_playbook.yml b/ansible/services/phoenixd/deploy_phoenixd_playbook.yml
index 9e465eb..f20ecdc 100644
--- a/ansible/services/phoenixd/deploy_phoenixd_playbook.yml
+++ b/ansible/services/phoenixd/deploy_phoenixd_playbook.yml
@@ -253,7 +253,18 @@
     # ===========================================
     # Health Check Script + Systemd Timer
     # ===========================================
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
+    # DEPRECATED — Uptime Kuma was decommissioned on 2026-09-11.
+    #
+    # Every task below is inert: uptime_kuma_enabled is false in
+    # group_vars/all/main.yml, so they all skip and the deployment above still
+    # runs normally. Kept because the health-check logic is the durable part —
+    # when a replacement exists, rewire the push transport and flip the flag.
+    #
+    # What was being monitored: archive/uptime_kuma/MONITORS.md
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
     - name: Create phoenixd health check script
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       copy:
         dest: "{{ phoenixd_healthcheck_script_path }}"
         content: |
@@ -340,6 +351,7 @@
         daemon_reload: yes
 
     - name: Enable and start phoenixd health check timer
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       systemd:
         name: "{{ phoenixd_healthcheck_service_name }}.timer"
         enabled: yes
@@ -349,6 +361,7 @@
     # Uptime Kuma Push Monitor Setup
     # ===========================================
     - name: Create Uptime Kuma push monitor setup script for phoenixd
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -443,6 +456,7 @@
         mode: "0755"
 
     - name: Create temporary config for push monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -455,6 +469,7 @@
         mode: "0644"
 
     - name: Run Uptime Kuma push monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       command: python3 /tmp/setup_phoenixd_monitor.py
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
@@ -468,6 +483,7 @@
       when: monitor_setup.stdout is defined
 
     - name: Read push URL from file
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       slurp:
         src: /tmp/phoenixd_push_url.txt
       delegate_to: localhost
@@ -489,6 +505,7 @@
       notify: Restart phoenixd health check timer
 
     - name: Clean up temporary files
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       file:
diff --git a/ansible/services/vaultwarden/deploy_vaultwarden_playbook.yml b/ansible/services/vaultwarden/deploy_vaultwarden_playbook.yml
index 65f1f64..9868d13 100644
--- a/ansible/services/vaultwarden/deploy_vaultwarden_playbook.yml
+++ b/ansible/services/vaultwarden/deploy_vaultwarden_playbook.yml
@@ -111,7 +111,18 @@
     - name: Reload Caddy to apply new config
       command: systemctl reload caddy
 
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
+    # DEPRECATED — Uptime Kuma was decommissioned on 2026-09-11.
+    #
+    # Every task below is inert: uptime_kuma_enabled is false in
+    # group_vars/all/main.yml, so they all skip and the deployment above still
+    # runs normally. Kept because the health-check logic is the durable part —
+    # when a replacement exists, rewire the push transport and flip the flag.
+    #
+    # What was being monitored: archive/uptime_kuma/MONITORS.md
+    # ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
     - name: Create Uptime Kuma monitor setup script for Vaultwarden
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -191,6 +202,7 @@
         mode: '0755'
 
     - name: Create temporary config for monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       copy:
@@ -204,6 +216,7 @@
         mode: '0644'
 
     - name: Run Uptime Kuma monitor setup
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       command: python3 /tmp/setup_vaultwarden_monitor.py
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
@@ -212,6 +225,7 @@
       ignore_errors: yes
 
     - name: Clean up temporary files
+      when: uptime_kuma_enabled | default(false)
       delegate_to: localhost
       become: no
       file: